I know what you're all thinking. "Oh my gosh YES, another girl trying to make herself seem all sophisticated with a blog that no one is going to read." (Jordan if you're reading this, I check your blog religiously & that was not by any means meant to be offensive. I love you.)
Anyway, yes. I am trying this whole blog thing. I've really debated it, because honestly, who wants to post their personal ideas & information about their daily lives somewhere for everyone to see? Our generation is based on perfectly filtered Instagram posts & tweets we proofread more than our English assignments. How in the world am I supposed to think of things I'm okay with posting to the public when some people I consider my close friends don't even know everything about me? Well, that's a great question. At this point I'm really not sure if this whole blog thing will last, but I'm going to give it a try & we'll see what happens.
Lately, I've been really intrigued by the whole concept of love. Love is about forgetting yourself & focusing on others. I am particularly bad at this. I buy into the idea that my life is about how I look & what I wear & the things I have, but that's completely wrong. My life is about the God who created & loves me, the people He created & loves, & all the different ways I can use myself to glorify Him. I fail at this, miserably, day after day after day. But I'm working on it, & before I die I hope to be closer to God than I am to this world.
Being busy is definitely something that gets in my way of focusing on what I should focus on. As I'm sitting here typing, it's 11:48pm on a Saturday night. My sister is yelling at me to play her back in Trivia Crack, my phone has Twitter notifications popping up & I really, REALLY want to watch Netflix until I can't keep my eyes open. Obviously none of these are valid excuses, & there are more reasonable ones like school, extracurriculars & all that slightly more productive stuff. The thing is, being an eighteen year-old in a world full of social media & technology can really pull you into the normal swing of things. I don't want to be normal. I want to be stupid happy all the time. (If you know me personally, I know you're laughing at that.) I want to love everyone like they're the most important person I'll ever meet. I want to treat people better than they treat me. & above all, I want people to wonder why I act the way I do. I want to run recklessly towards Jesus, grabbing the hands of everyone I meet & bringing them with me.
I am very aware that I don't resemble any of the things I just described. I'm a complete grouch in the mornings. I have a bad habit of being rude to people who have hurt me. I'm entirely too judgmental, I don't like being told what to do, & I am just about as stubborn as they come. The list goes on & on & on. I fail at being a perfect model Christian every single second that my heart is beating. I never, ever, EVER claim to be perfect, or anywhere remotely close to perfect. Honestly, sometimes I'm afraid to even tell people about my faith because I know how many times I fail on a daily basis. But maybe someone else is afraid too. Maybe someone has struggled with the same things I struggle with, & are looking for someone to talk to about it. The thing about Christianity is it's not based on perfection, it's based on love. It's about showing people how much they're worth & how important they are. It's about reaching out to people in your community, your state, your country, & overseas. It's about not knowing what you have to say but trusting God to give you the right words. It's about watching door after door close & feeling like there's nowhere left to turn, only to remember that there is a God who knows you by name, holds you in His hand, & has set you apart for bigger & better things.
I don't know where this blog is going. I don't know what I'm going to write about or if I'll ever have anything of value for you to read. But for right now, I'm here, & I'm speaking. That's as big of an accomplishment as anything.
Oh, by the way, hey. My name is Janzen.
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